boundbynaught | IC Inbox for empatheias

[ Riku comes to glance up at Arden and stares. He almost can't say he's surprised by this... that Arden would want to keep pushing forward despite his having inadvertently taking on some of this darkness for himself. But even if such a thing had been an accident, even if he truly feels the need to continue on with this... is it to please Sora? To pat himself on the back for a job well done with not ditching the one he shares a face with here? Or is there something more to it? Something like... actually caring? ]

Try what? Taking more of it for yourself?

No!

[ He has to snap because he's equally frustrated at his own failure to fix things previously and also frustration at the pain starting to increase. ]

What I told you about before.

[ His hand lowers a little, his elbow resting on the bed now. ]

... I told you I have to start it off, so I'm offering.

[ He's still scared of letting Riku see inside his heart, but right now he's not sure he has another choice. ]

[ Riku is silent as Arden snaps and then as he explains. Part of him wants to lash out that if he had never tried to pull a fast one like he did with pretending to do one thing, only to do something entirely different, maybe they wouldn't be in this predicament.

But... he doesn't. Instead, he stares to Arden through his blindfold and almost seems to grind his teeth before he finally shakes his head with a sigh falling from his lips. ]

You said you don't know if it's a permanent thing though... you're willing to risk that? [ A beat. ] For me?

[ Dejected at continuing this conversation before he can gain some sense back, his hand drops to the bed. His own voice is equally quiet, timid at admitting these things to Riku of all people. ]

My fate's already bound to yours. I can't escape it. So really... the worst possible situation will only confirm that. And you said Sora can't help you, so...

[ He lightly shrugs his shoulders. ]

If not me, then who? I have to live up to the person Minnie and Sora and Naminé see in me, or it feels like I won't be 'Arden' anymore. Just a replica... no better than Vanitas either.

[ Silent, it's only after a few short moments when Arden is done speaking that Riku reaches out and firmly grasps at a wrist, as if forcing Arden to look to him. ]

Don't do this because you feel like you have to for someone else. Don't do this because you feel like it's the right thing to do. Don't do this because you don't want to let anyone down and don't do this because you feel like there's no other option. Forget about Sora. Forget about Minnie. Forget about what even Naminé might see or think with you doing this.

[ Riku's voice is firm, steady, yet not intending to chide or put down. ]

Do this because you want to. That's what sets you apart from being a replica. Because it's your choice, not your so-called fate.

[ He feels Riku grab him and he's visibly upset now because it feels like this is quickly spiraling out of a situation he can actually improve any longer. He listens to Riku, but it's not with any kind of visceral determination. He's hit a downward spiral of second-guessing himself and the only reason he can stand to look 'at' Riku is because, to him, he's looking at the blindfold and purposefully not making an effort to see eyes behind the cloth, especially not in the dim light of Riku's bedroom. ]

Even if I tell you I want to help, would you really believe me?

[ His voice quavers and he feels like the age gap is growing by the minute, reducing him back to two years old being scolded by the So Much More Mature teenager. He tries to pull his hand away then, but even he doesn't care enough to resist that much, so his wrist stays caught. ]

All you seem to want is information out of me and nothing else - all that happened when you weren't here, all the times I tried to be the best friend for Sora because you weren't there for him. I keep saying I want to make amends but it's not good enough for you and I'm not good enough to keep asking.

So just let me go and I'll let you deal with this on your own, like you wanted.

[ Try as he might, Riku can't seem to contain his frustration and it's with teeth clenching tightly, that he finally feels it pour out of him, much as his darkness does whenever he loses control. ]

I don't want anything to happen to you where it might involve disappearing or losing part of yourself! You have people who care about you, who would miss you if something were to ever happen! It has nothing to do with not believing you!

[ And then- ]

I thought you could understand me! That's why I'm here!

Then tell me! What am I supposed to understand?

[ He balls a fist and hits his chest, voice rising at Riku's own reactions. ]

You haven't mentioned once how this happened to you! Just that it did and you want it gone, so I've done the best I can to understand with no idea what's going on! You always do this when I'm around--

[ But Riku's darkness starts spreading up his own arm and across to his shoulder, making him hiss at the intensity of it flaring. ]

... Look, Riku. I'm trying to understand. I wouldn't have... done this already if I wasn't trying - and trying because I wanted to.

[ For his own reasons, varied as they are, but he did want to. And now he wants to if only for the very selfish desire to stop this pain he's got in a mirror of Riku's. ]

I told you it happened when I fought Vanitas.

[ He says that while gritting his teeth. ]

That I needed to power up Soul Eater and started ripping the darkness out of me. That it felt like my darkness was trying to burn through my body in order to get out.

[ Frustrated, Riku pulls back and looks away, allowing teeth to sink into his lower lip. ]

I didn't just mean understand me and what's going on.

[ And after a quick beat. ]

I meant understand me in general.

[ He still thinks that's more information than he got before. He sighs harshly, loudly, through his nose and in an attempt to calm himself down. No meditation on short notice like this, but he needed to get halfway to that place in his mind.

So he gets up from his kneeling position and sits on the bed, leaning back to back against Riku the way they'd been a few weeks ago out in the street. ]

If it's really on your skin now, that would make sense why it jumped over to me too, looking for any outlet. So you just have to coax it back in, it sounds like. Talk about wanting... maybe you have to not want that extra power anymore.

[ He lowers his head again, turning it just slightly, but still not looking anywhere beyond his own arm. ]

As for someone who understands you in general... I don't know what to call that if not your replica.

[ He doesn't turn to face Riku before continuing. ]

I'm not a friend... I'm like some weird distant cousin you can't get rid of, if anything.

[ With Arden's back pressed against his own like that one time a few weeks ago, Riku comes to allow his gaze to drop, simply feeling the other's presence and noting how different it is from Sora or even Ventus. But different isn't bad, not always and not in this moment. Arden is not bad, regardless of how their first meeting went prior to either of them arriving here within this world. Being here... things are different... Arden is different... even he himself is different.

But when Arden leaves him with that sort of comparison, claiming how he isn't a friend, Riku comes to stare across the room before eyes slowly fall shut. ]

The same could be said for me with you, you know.

[ It works both ways, regardless of who the "original" is. ]

Here you are trying to live your life you've created for yourself here and I go and infect you with the darkness. My darkness... a part of me.

[ Coming to bow his head some, Riku sighs to himself. ]

I don't want you to lose yourself, even just a little. You don't deserve that.

[ That gets a smirk out of Arden. ]

Infect me with the darkness? I don't think you can do that to me, honestly.

[ It's subtle, but the pain starts to dull the more he talks. ]

I came from the darkness... I died in the darkness... I came back out of it again here to Verens... I can walk through the Dark Corridors without a second thought...

[ He turns his head a little more, in a way that Riku could see if he tried. ]

So whatever my Darkness is like, it'll probably always be similar to yours. That's not me losing myself, Riku.

[ And with how sincere Riku sounds, he can't help but feel the 'weird cousin' analogy is apt as much for their shared Darkness as for their ability to simultaneously argue with each other while still trying to help each other. ]

You know, you don't have to take everything so literal when people talk to you about something.

[ He gives a soft sigh and a shake of his head. ]

Sometimes not saying anything can mean a lot when someone's trying to explain how they feel.

[ Riku and feelings are just... not things that typically go hand-in-hand when it comes to expressing them. Of course, when he's upset or angry, well, that's a whole other story.

Gently, he nudges some of his shirt back with the tips of his fingers, looking to the marks on his arm that have more or less faded a little thanks to Arden's ~~meddling~~ sneakiness. ]

At least it doesn't seem to be spreading.

[ Arden is quiet for a second before he looks back in front of him. ]

At the risk of sounding like a hypocrite, I talk a lot now because of all the misunderstandings I've had in the past. How was I supposed to know not to take you literally, with the way you arm and chest are right now?

[ He doesn't get it. Normally people give him a stronger clue in tone or words that they're being metaphorical or using a comparison or something like that. He really did think that Riku was referring to an infection since it was like something he 'caught' by touching Riku and all. ]

[ Riku's silent for a long moment and not because of trying to show Arden how silence can sometimes help a situation, but because he seems to be lost in his thoughts for a moment... thinking, wondering. ]

What if this doesn't work?

[ A pause. ]

What if it only makes it worse for either of us?

[ He's quiet too in his response, if only to convey that he's really genuinely thinking about it. ]

Try something else.

[ He speaks over his shoulder a little. ]

I've been told my imagination isn't great, but I can't guess anything worse than what I've already been through, so maybe that's why I'm not as...

[ Scared. ]

Concerned about doing nothing and that ending up being the worst thing, I guess?

Just to be crystal clear here.

[ Riku speaks up then, tilting his head back just a little over his shoulder so that Arden can fully hear what he's saying. ]

This is a connecting of hearts that you're pretty sure won't become permanent for either of us. Right?

[ Arden nods. ]

Because if it was permanent, I'd have known Sora fell asleep as a crystal before you did, right? Might have even fallen asleep myself. That was after doing it to him twice, too.

[ He turns his own head as well, seeing Riku's profile. ]

This situation with you has way more in common with the first time it happened to Sora. He'd gone into Anti-Form, but by the time I arrived, he was out of it again., just still tied to the Darkness more strongly than he's used to. The second time was when we couldn't get him out of Anti-Form at all and I had to force it on him a lot more. And I still don't have anything permanent with him.

[ Boy he hopes that actually sounds as logical to Riku as it feels to Arden, without getting into a lot more of the emotional side of Riku's strained friendship with Sora that he'd told Arden about recently, or a competition between them for who's a better friend, or anything like that. To him it just makes sense - surely all of that would have been enough to make a permanent bond if one was going to form. ]

[ Riku's... not about to go into detail concerning the two times Arden has done something similar with Sora before that involved being stuck in Anti-Form and whatever else. It's not that he doesn't care... in all honesty? He's not even surprised. It's just... he needs to focus on one thing at a time here lest he allow his emotions to get the better of him and derail them entirely from the entire purpose of his wanting to talk to Arden: finding a solution or some sort of insight for his marks.

After what must feel like forever, he sighs then, bowing his head as eyes covered with his blindfold look back to the faded marks on his arm. ]

Fine.

... Just to be crystal clear here.

[He echoes on purpose.]

Does 'Fine' mean 'now' or 'we'll go with that plan, but I'll find you when I'm ready'?

Thought you said you could handle it.

[ That... is maybe... MAYBE an attempt and gentle teasing with what Arden claimed earlier before he comes to sigh and lifts his head up. ]

It hurts, doesn't it? On your arm?

[ Okay that was kind of funny. Arden tilts his head up with pride. ]

I can handle it - and I've gotten used to my arm or something because it's starting to hurt less. Anyway, I know you don't do meditation, but try to close your eyes and stay calm.

[ Arden meanwhile turns back away so that their shoulders are against each other again - this seems like the most comfortable position for the two of them, so why not take advantage of it? He closes his eyes and starts trying to actively use his Scent to locate Riku. That's the easy part, of course, since he's right there at Arden's back, but really locking it down helps bridge the dunamis connection he's trying to make.

In their minds' eye, it looks similar to Betwixt and Between, and Arden's own Dark Corridors due to his lack of fear around the Darkness. Arden walks forward until he eventually finds a colored glass wall that he can't get around - it's as wide as the corridor that he's in.

Across the way, at a distance, he can also see someone else - he can only hope that's Riku. This is much different with Riku conscious. There was no wall preventing him from getting across before. ]

[ When Arden asks him to close his eyes and stay calm, Riku does just that and the results that come after a few moments like that... are interesting, to say the least.

Riku finds himself staring at that very same glass wall and wonders, for a moment, if he's somehow trapped somewhere. But then he comes to spot Arden on the other side of this coloured glass and he approaches it cautiously before he comes to stands right before it and gives it a look over. ]

What is this?

[ From Riku's side, Arden's form starts to flicker a bit. ]

It's one of my Dark Corridors - it's the channel I used to get to Sora's heart before, but...

[ He smirks a little and gestures at the glass. ]

This is new.

[ Arden's form in the glass changes from his everyday-wear outfit and long-ish hair to the form that Riku last saw him as in Castle Oblivion, Dark Mode outfit and short hair and hand raised to clutch at air. In his clutched hand appears Zexion, gasping for breath. At first, there's no sound while the images aren't moving.

There is a shocked sound from Arden himself, though, as he backs up a little from the glass. Then the images start moving and Zexion's desperate gasps echo around them as the purple energy starts to leave the Organization member. ]

IC Inbox for empatheias

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