Arden [Riku Replica] (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
boundbynaught) wrote2014-01-07 08:38 pm
boundbynaught) wrote2014-01-07 08:38 pm
Entry tags:
Voicemail / IC Contact
I'm busy right now, otherwise I'd have answered.
Texts, audio, or video - I don't mind.
When I get the chance, I'll call you back.
[Changed on 6/2 in-game]
From 3/26-6/2 in-game days the message was:
[ Rep hasn't actually set this thing up yet, but you're more than welcome to leave him a message and he'll answer after he sorts out how to work the darn thing. ]
[Audio]
You couldn't run from your problems... forever.]
I'm free too. [And the awkward way to put this, since there was no other way.] Do you want to meet somewhere, or go to someone's place?
[Even as he spoke, the dream was churning up in his mind, showing itself in all glory. The sun, the saves, the light glistening on the ocean spray of pale bodies in front of him. And a pair of of aqua eyes, lidded with pleasure-- this was not a good idea.]
[Audio]
Why not just talk like this?
[It worked before - back when Riku had first contacted him like this. Back when he'd first arrived, before all that progress they had made as almost-friends. It was enough to make Caden feel guilty for slamming the door, so to speak.]
Or at least... tell me what you want from me.
[Another clarification he wouldn't have had to make, but this one he didn't feel bad about. Was this to be a friendly visit, a spar with someone who would be a challenge and nothing more, or a deep conversation between the two people who knew each other more intimately than sex could ever hope to mimic... but might be able to destroy. If he let it... If.
"It's your call."
How did you even make that kind of decision, though, to go from one radical way of seeing someone - an enemy - to some kind of acquaintance, to friend, to... anything else? How did he know if he wanted it?]
I just don't want anything to change.
[Audio]
That's fine too.
[Words were words; they would reach even if they didn't have faces to go along with them. And he understood Caden's concern. They had made some progress over the days, to a point where he wouldn't have thought anything of this. But now, thanks to that dream... things had backslid. And he had lost what tentative bond he had with his replica...
And the onus of that lay on himself, his inability to avoid the darkness in his dreams...]
I don't want anything from you.
[To have it worded like that put Riku on the blame, as if he was hunting Caden or was looking to steal something from him. But how many times had he seen that question in eyes? Xion. Roxas. Namine... Caden probably just meant what Riku wanted to talk to him about, but the wording was much more telling than his implication. It was no longer innocent between them.]
Only an offer, if you wanted to try to hammer out some of your memories again. [A soft sigh.] And... I think I should tell you some things about my past...
[He leaned back on the bed, gazing up at the ceiling. There was that main reason in the back of his words... Caden of all people deserved to know some of the dark holes that lingered in his memories, things that he couldn't answer, but only Riku could give some solace to.]
Change happens, Caden... But if you don't want them to, I'll try to keep things the way they are.
[Audio]
It's probably just me then. I don't get me.
[He shuts his eyes even though Riku will never know the difference.]
And even if you explain what I saw, the gaps in my memories, everything I asked for... I don't want to fall apart in front of you again. I can't-- I don't know what will happen.
['I'm afraid of what will happen,' he wants to say. 'I'm afraid if something does... I won't be able to stop thinking. Maybe I suck and no one wants to tell me - except maybe Edmund.' Then again, his streak of completely blissed out encounters WAS already broken... he just doesn't want it to get any worse either.]
[Audio]
Yeah... I remember it. [A lower tone of annoyance.] Too well.
Hn. [He gives a small, sarcastic sound.] I don't get “me” either most of the time. [Even with all his resolve and his determination to do what he wanted, to protect those important to him, he still questioned himself... almost every day.]
Cade... What are you scared of? [A damning question, though Cade had already pricked open the box of “dark questions” between them. But he could see it in his voice. Falling apart... not knowing what would happen...] You know you're important to me.
And if you fell apart, I'd do everything I could to put you back together. [A quiet pause. He had a hinting thought, but he didn't just want to out “are you scared we'll have sex” blatantly to Caden's ears.]
[Audio]
[A wry laugh as his brain refuses to process 'you're important to me.' Coming from Riku... he's kind of reeling. He expects people like Sora to say that, not Riku, not after Castle Oblivion, not after the dream either.]
Of being important to anyone. No one should expect anything out of me, I'll just let them down.
[A pause as he leans his head against a wall, as if that would sort out his thoughts.]
Including you. I don't want other people putting me back together, but I can't do it myself either.
[Ironically, his little temper tantrum of getting pierced managed to take away his major point of stress relief too, so he's been a little out of sorts for about a week anyway.]
So if you want to talk about memories, that's... that's fine. But I wish I could forget parts of that dream anyway - and not the part with you looking like Ansem.
[Audio]
As did Riku.]
Where do you get off telling me what to do?
[His voice is a little darker, Caden having stuck a nerve.]
You don't know how many people I let down, Caden... how many times I've had to put myself back together.
[He pushes away from the window and wanders back to his living room.]
If you can't put yourself back together, and refuse to let others help... then you'll remain broken. Forever. [Hypocrite. Both of them.] And that's a pretty pathetic choice to make for your new life.
[Tough love, chibi. Tough.]
[Audio]
He doesn't like feeling chastised, because in reality he'd like to think he could just as easily give Riku advice as Riku gives him, but there's an experience gap more the size of a trench between them. He knows that's the difference.
Cadence slides down the wall to a crumpled kneel. When he finally speaks, his voice is meek, all self-confidence gone in the face of Riku's anger.]
... I know I'm broken, okay? That's why I only wanted to be around strangers who wouldn't know any better. You have Yurick now so... you don't need me for anything. And shouldn't... want me either.
[Yes, he really is stuck on the sex thing. Going without for a week was so easy before Ariel, but between the chip and the piercings, he's made himself damn uncomfortable. Best choice, clearly.]
[Audio]
And no. No he'd not needed anyone during the gaps in Caden's memory. He'd always been alone, struggling through his own problems. Breaking to pieces and picking himself back up. But it wasn't the best choice... and he was more than willing to tell other people that, even if he had a very hard time listening to his own advice. (And yes, if Caden tossed his own advice back at him, it'd probably get treated the same way.)
He hears the slide of a body down the wall and his face softens just a little. His replica's voice... It's all he needs... so he gets up, throws a shirt on, and heads out the door. Even if he doesn't know where Cade's apartment is (since that was just one more degree of separation between them), he's still going to have a visitor. Ready or not.]
Cade. Shut up. [Despite the harsh words, his voice is anything but.] You have your own friends too. I know why you don't want to be around people from our world.
But you don't know anything about what I need. [The breeze rustles past and Caden might note it if he's listening closely enough.] Or who I want.
[Yes, he realizes the whole sex thing is big for Caden. Just, it was foolish to stake an entire life and self-worth on something like sex. As for the rest of it... there was more time to talk about that when they met up.]
Where's your apartment, Cade?
[Audio]
Caden's always been stuck in a simpler mindset though... dark and light, never the twain should meet. Riku broke that rule, but he's Riku. He's special, like Sora and Ventus are special. Keybearers. In much the same way, sex as escape into the light always felt like borrowed time that he'd stolen right out from the greater universe's nose. He belongs in the dark, like Riku, but unlike Riku, has no light to tread along with one foot on each side. You're either one, or the other, when you're not a Keybearer, when universal laws still apply to you. So he doesn't want his escape tied down to a reality... the reality of looking at someone who knows exactly who you are, no mistake about it. No distance as with new acquaintances, no lost memories and mistaken identities as with Sora and even Yurick.
Riku knows practically everything there is to know about Cadence. Even hearing his voice is enough to stop Caden in his tracks now - because it is his, Riku's, not Caden's. Not anymore. He's heard that voice in the throes of sex on the beach, there'll be no mistaking it for his own higher pitch and childish quaver now. Riku's someone else entirely... and that kind of person, a friend who's been with him through so much... that's the kind of person Sora had told him it was better to have sex with in the first place.
... And that wasn't even the reason Riku called him in the first place, damn the chip. Maybe he could hold out hope that nothing would happen after all, that nothing would change. So he doesn't say much - Riku had told him to shut up after all - but does answer the question as he spins around on the floor to put his back against the wall, drawing up his knees and laying his forehead there.]
6-1-6. It's open.
[ooc]